Well, it’s a bit late to be posting about my summer, but I’ve just been distracted by *cough*love*cough*.  But I guess you gotta wait until the next post to hear about my summer (it’s not as exciting as my journey through Europe last year)  Anyways…It’s kinda funny, because always thought “love” was full of bulls**t and for people who wanted sex, and something I don’t need to be complete in life.  Now I find myself thinking about my lover everyday, and wanting to spend time together all the time.  The analytical part of me makes me feel sicken by all my emotions, but the side that keeps me human keeps me on this emotional roller coaster.  The logical side of me is fighting my emotions and causing so much confusion resulting in symptoms (as stated on Wikipeida: Lovestruck):

“Being lovestruck only occurs when a person has fallen in love, not when a crush emerges. However it may develop into love. ‘For love-struck victims, the world appears altered. Replacing the flatness of ordinary experience is a fullness’
According to Tallis, some of the symptom clusters shared with being lovestruck include:

• mania or hypomania – abnormally elevated mood, inflated self esteem, extravagant gift giving
• depression – tearfulness, insomnia, loss of concentration
• anorexia – lack of appetite
• stress – high blood pressure, pain in chest and heart, acute insomnia; sometimes brought on by a “crush”
• obsessive-compulsive disorder – preoccupation and hoarding valueless but superstitiously resonant items
• psychologically created physical symptoms, such as upset stomach, change in appetite, insomnia, dizziness, and confusion.”

These emotions sicken me…

Well… then I start to think about time and how fast it will fly by once school had ended. There is 169 hours in a week, and I spend about 55 hours at work every week (including lunch breaks and travel time), and assuming I sleep 49hours a week (7 hours a day), I have 69 hours for time for myself.  Even if I decide to sleep 8 hours a day I would still have 62 hours a week for myself. That is still more than half the amount of time I spend at work, and sometimes I feel like I spend my life working all the time, though it’s not true.  Makes me just want to spend those 69-62 hours every week doing something meaningful, to make my life worthwhile, and I just feel like I want to spend all that time (or as much as possible) with the one I care about in love, and finding meaning to my life, trying to make it worthwhile and living without any regrets. 

I don’t want to come to work every Monday morning wanting it to be Friday already.  I don’t want time to fly by and have it become Friday too soon every week.  I want to find the happiness in my job and want to come to work everyday instead of waiting for 5pm so I can go home.  It’s a sign that maybe I shouldn’t probably work there for very long.  I want to work somewhere where I want to come into work everyday, and to make my life worthwhile, rather than wasting it on something I don’t want to do.

What I really want is to find more time…to find myself.